He turns around and reaches for the door knob. He will leave this tension filled room without a word.

 ”I’m sorry,” he hears her say. “It just happened. I tried to control it but it happened,” she continues.

 

“What does she want to hear from me?” he can hear the voice inside him say. He is full of dejection now that he can’t even utter a single word. No, not dejection. Anger, perhaps. Even hatred.

“I understand,” he eventually says after a few minutes of silence. Then, he turns the door knob and left her with her guilt.

 

Now, he is in the study. Alone in this cold December night. Thinking.

Thinking of what went wrong. Asking himself what he did to deserve all the pain she stacks in him right now. It has been three years- three years of struggling hard to make this sacred commitment work. Sacred? Define it. It’s not even sacred anymore for everything they do doesn’t make them happy anymore.

 

He remembers that day when they made that solemn vow to share the lifetime together. The memory was so vivid he could almost see the scene right now ”in sickness and in health… for richer or poorer… till death do us part”

“Damn, a lifetime,” he says as he lights a brown chocolate flavored Montecristo. He would rather smoke his lungs to death than to feel more of this agony, he thinks. 

 She’s the most prettiest woman he had ever met. She is the  most loveliest wife ever alive for him. He adored her and did everything to please her. 

 

For three years he made her his life. He worked hard for this family. He almost got himself no friends at all for he believed it was only her he could live with.

Hell, when was the last time he ever went out with his group?

 ”Three years back…” he says talking to himself. “a week before the wedding at the bachelor’s shower party.”

 

He would wake up earlier than she would so he could prepare her breakfast. He would kiss her every morning before they part for they go to work in a different company. She would not respond to his kisses. She would not hug him back. He would wash her laundry since he would not want her candle like fingers to feel the strong residues of laundy soap. He takes her to dinner even and gives her his earnings even if a hundred bucks is what would be left in his old wallet. He buys her dresses- the most expensive ones while he wears his faded blue jeans and worn out boots. He was selfless. Why?

 

“Because I did not see this comming,” he tells himself. “I didnt see the signs,” he says. He did not expect this things to happen not until awhile ago.

“I fell out of love with you and I don’t know why,” he could still hear her words reverberating in his ears. “I found someone who could make me happier”

“What now?,” he asked himself. “Set her free,” he could hear his thoughts answer his  own queries. He could live a life without her. ”Jeez,” he thinks, he  is the Chief Executive Officer of the most reputable company in the advertising business. He is smart, damn, he is aware of that. He could walk in his ragged blue jeans, black polo shirt and a pair of snickers and yet he could have a muse in his house without playing his words to get through her.

“I could live without you, bitch!” he hears a small voice inside him say. “I can have a new life as soon as you exude my gates.”

She is whore. A useless piece of shit who does not know what it means to be a wife and a mom.

It hit him. His own thoughts hit him.

“Daddy… what are you doing?” He hears his three year old daughter as she enters the room. He tilts his head to hide the stream of pearls in his eyes.

 ”Nothing,” he replies as he deposits his tobacco butt in a porcelain ashtray. “just thinking”

 

“What are you thinking?” his daughter asks as she climbs in his lap and strokes the strands of hair that blocks his eyes. “Are you crying?” she inquires.

 

“No. I am thinking how wonderful you are,” he tickles her. “I have had a long day and I miss you that’s why I’m teary eyed,” he lied.

 

“I’m wonderful because I’m as pretty as mommy,” she giggles. “You love me and mommy, don’t you daddy?

He gives a nod for a reply.

 ”That’s why you miss us even if it’s just been a day without me?” his little angel says and she gives him a peck in his stubbled cheeks.

 

He tries to suppress a sob from escaping his throat. Oh, how innocent is this little angel they have, he thinks. “Of course,” he manages to reply.

 

“Good. Because my classmate’s parents aren’t like you and mommy”

 

“Why did you say so?” he is puzzled.

 

“Because according to her, her mommy and daddy shouts at each other every morning and before bedtime” she explains.

 

He carries her and puts her in her feet before he says “That won’t happen darling. You will never see us fight like that.” he assures her. No, he says. He will never let her child suffer what he is feeling right now.

 

“I wanna be like mommy when I grew up,” her little voice makes him want to cry “She’s pretty and smart and she loves you and me, right daddy?”

 

“Yes.” he chokes back his tears. She will understand everything someday, he thinks.

 

 ”Why don’t you go upstairs to your room, prepare for bed as you wait for me to read you your fairytale book?” he requests.

 

“Okey daddy,” she kisses his cheeks and walks out of the study.

 

His gaze follows her pink dress until it disappers. He will set his wife free, he thought. But he will wait… wait for her to realize how precious this family is. He felt his shoulders shiver as he let out a sob. He is angry and yet he knew deep inside there is still love.

 

It was a cold December night. He wonders how long it will be cold like this. Weeks? Months? Years?

It doesn’t matter. His daughter will warm the coldness he feels inside.