Pens and Lollipops

I look at the little person beside me and I can’t believe that he’s mine. He is a fruit of a “sinful act” as what Christians will say, a result of irresponsibility as what parents and adults will take into notion. I wouldn’t want to hear more of how people would call it because as I glance at the small bundle of joy I can only see one thing out of him- our angel, the one who changed my life forever.

                I do not regret that I had him as early in my 19th year of breathing in this difficult world. He came in an unexpected time, a time when I have my future plans laid out in front of me. A time when I am still enjoying the sweet taste of youth and the excitement of young love. But then, I embraced the first signs of his presence inside me and faced the fact that from then on, my plans in life will change forever, not for the worst but for the better.

                I fear, of course, how I will raise him up with me not yet ready to stand in my two feet. However, I am a small creature who looks up into a bigger force I know will not forsake me. I gathered all the courage I have and told myself that despite the reality that the news of the arrival of this angel will hurt the people who brought me into this world, he will soon be called a “blessing” that will give everyone a smile.

                Perhaps I made a mistake but there is nothing I can do to undo it. The only thing I can do is help myself go on and reconstruct my plans in life- include him in every scene I foresee in my future. I never considered not giving this little person a chance to witness the beauty of life and taste a little of its sourness.

                In his arrival, I suffered the consequence of the “sinful” act I made. I had one foot in the bosom of death and had my body embraced by the chill of pain. After 5 hours of what I thought was endless struggle, our angel breathed his first taste of life and I experienced the most wonderful kind of joy I never have felt ever before.

                I admit that fear still haunts me and that I still dread that I will someday fail my son. However, just looking at his innocent face gives me strength and courage that life will be easy as long as I have my courage and perseverance with me.

                Life has a lot more of hardships to offer and I can do nothing but to accept it and learn from it. Right now I accepted the hard but wonderful challenge life threw on me and I have a lifetime to work on it.