Pens and Lollipops

Posts Tagged ‘writings’

Husband

Posted by: on: October 10, 2008

He turns around and reaches for the door knob. He will leave this tension filled room without a word.
 ”I’m sorry,” he hears her say. “It just happened. I tried to control it but it happened,” she continues.
 
“What does she want to hear from me?” he can hear the voice inside him say. He is full of dejection now that he can’t even utter a single word. No, not dejection. Anger, perhaps. Even hatred.
“I understand,” he eventually says after a few minutes of silence. Then, he turns the door knob and left her with her guilt.
 
Now, he is in the study. Alone in this cold December night. Thinking.
Thinking of what went wrong. Asking himself what he did to deserve all the pain she stacks in him right now. It has been three years- three years of struggling hard to make this sacred commitment work. Sacred? Define it. It’s not even sacred anymore for everything they do doesn’t make them happy anymore.
 
He remembers that day when they made that solemn vow to share the lifetime together. The memory was so vivid he could almost see the scene right now ”in sickness and in health… for richer or poorer… till death do us part”
“Damn, a lifetime,” he says as he lights a brown chocolate flavored Montecristo. He would rather smoke his lungs to death than to feel more of this agony, he thinks. 
 She’s the most prettiest woman he had ever met. She is the  most loveliest wife ever alive for him. He adored her and did everything to please her. 
 
For three years he made her his life. He worked hard for this family. He almost got himself no friends at all for he believed it was only her he could live with.
Hell, when was the last time he ever went out with his group?
 ”Three years back…” he says talking to himself. “a week before the wedding at the bachelor’s shower party.”
 
He would wake up earlier than she would so he could prepare her breakfast. He would kiss her every morning before they part for they go to work in a different company. She would not respond to his kisses. She would not hug him back. He would wash her laundry since he would not want her candle like fingers to feel the strong residues of laundy soap. He takes her to dinner even and gives her his earnings even if a hundred bucks is what would be left in his old wallet. He buys her dresses- the most expensive ones while he wears his faded blue jeans and worn out boots. He was selfless. Why?
 
“Because I did not see this comming,” he tells himself. “I didnt see the signs,” he says. He did not expect this things to happen not until awhile ago.
“I fell out of love with you and I don’t know why,” he could still hear her words reverberating in his ears. “I found someone who could make me happier”
“What now?,” he asked himself. “Set her free,” he could hear his thoughts answer his  own queries. He could live a life without her. ”Jeez,” he thinks, he  is the Chief Executive Officer of the most reputable company in the advertising business. He is smart, damn, he is aware of that. He could walk in his ragged blue jeans, black polo shirt and a pair of snickers and yet he could have a muse in his house without playing his words to get through her.
“I could live without you, bitch!” he hears a small voice inside him say. “I can have a new life as soon as you exude my gates.”
She is whore. A useless piece of shit who does not know what it means to be a wife and a mom.
It hit him. His own thoughts hit him.
“Daddy… what are you doing?” He hears his three year old daughter as she enters the room. He tilts his head to hide the stream of pearls in his eyes.
 ”Nothing,” he replies as he deposits his tobacco butt in a porcelain ashtray. “just thinking”
 
“What are you thinking?” his daughter asks as she climbs in his lap and strokes the strands of hair that blocks his eyes. “Are you crying?” she inquires.
 
“No. I am thinking how wonderful you are,” he tickles her. “I have had a long day and I miss you that’s why I’m teary eyed,” he lied.
 
“I’m wonderful because I’m as pretty as mommy,” she giggles. “You love me and mommy, don’t you daddy?
He gives a nod for a reply.
 ”That’s why you miss us even if it’s just been a day without me?” his little angel says and she gives him a peck in his stubbled cheeks.
 
He tries to suppress a sob from escaping his throat. Oh, how innocent is this little angel they have, he thinks. “Of course,” he manages to reply.
 
“Good. Because my classmate’s parents aren’t like you and mommy”
 
“Why did you say so?” he is puzzled.
 
“Because according to her, her mommy and daddy shouts at each other every morning and before bedtime” she explains.
 
He carries her and puts her in her feet before he says “That won’t happen darling. You will never see us fight like that.” he assures her. No, he says. He will never let her child suffer what he is feeling right now.
 
“I wanna be like mommy when I grew up,” her little voice makes him want to cry “She’s pretty and smart and she loves you and me, right daddy?”
 
“Yes.” he chokes back his tears. She will understand everything someday, he thinks.
 
 ”Why don’t you go upstairs to your room, prepare for bed as you wait for me to read you your fairytale book?” he requests.
 
“Okey daddy,” she kisses his cheeks and walks out of the study.
 
His gaze follows her pink dress until it disappers. He will set his wife free, he thought. But he will wait… wait for her to realize how precious this family is. He felt his shoulders shiver as he let out a sob. He is angry and yet he knew deep inside there is still love.
 
It was a cold December night. He wonders how long it will be cold like this. Weeks? Months? Years?
It doesn’t matter. His daughter will warm the coldness he feels inside.
 
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Unmoved

Posted by: on: October 8, 2008

Echo in the four corners of the intellectual edifice
The teacher reads a three line verse of a fusty poetry
They, the young minds follow
word by word they read
Some with eagerness
Some with floating interest
Some with bewilderness
Depicted is a story
the heroin and the knight
in search for parted souls and broken vows
the time soon passed away
The teacher teary eyed
the love prose was made
by a broken heart
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Pardon

Posted by: on: October 4, 2008

Recant Could I the words I said
Affront thy heart,
Disgrace thy pride
To flee my life i long thou to do
Then why I seek, memoir of you

A ruse of rudeness elude the truth
And coax myself, denied my joy
If thy will leave, exude my gates
And filth the passion I betrayed

Thou art confused of my grimace
thy look dismount the mask I wear
In thy presence, I embroil
To sneer I do, to hide defeat

Condone my pride that betrayed my joy
Even if fatuity this you call
Cede not now, I ask of you
A glance of thee, my hope enfolds

But if to lull is what you want
Need I await with dreary soul?
Need I enshroud to hope thou will stay?
Or fate will judge what time prepares?

Discreet is what mislead my signs
Like silence speakes of reasons unknown
Maybe for long thou choose to concede
Regrets I place in hearse to grave

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Unknown Regrets

Posted by: on: October 4, 2008

He said he loves her so much. Promised her he’ll be there during her happy days or even in her sad days. He held her hand. Kissed it. Placed it in his chest with his hand over hers.He showed her the ring.

She smiled. He told her the same words 3 years ago. After a month of knowing him But she never believed him. Why would she? He is known in town to be a player. Someone who passes in your life, get what he wants and leave you empty handed. She met him somewhere. His name is Mike. She can’t remember where or even how. Maybe at a friends party, at a bar or at a wedding. She doesn’t care to remember.

All she knows is that he came along in a time where she struggles in the stages of moving on.There was a time he asked for her heart. Something she can never offer to him. She is a dreamer, someone who has a lot of plans in life. To have another heart break is the last thing in her mind.

It would destroy her focus in life, she thought.She gave him friendship. The most special thing she could offer for awhile.

She gave him trust. Something she could give because he is a friend. She resisted falling for him. It would mean risking her emotions again if he failed to stay in her life.Why? Because she had loved twice. Was hurt twice. Tried to struggle in the healing process, twice. It would be difficult to experience such a risk for the third time.They have been friends for 3 years now.

She works in an advertising firm. He is a lawyer. They see each other often. She never had a lover again after her last heart break. He, on the other hand courted other girls. Got involved with a lot more of girls. Made himself a topic in the town for several times more.She’ll call him whenever she feels alone. He is the first person she talks to, about her job promotion.

She spends several nights in a picnic with him. Just talking. Smiling. Playing guitar and singing. Looking at the starry night. He tells her his problems when it comes to his relationships. He said he loved his girlfriend but after a year or less, she’ll find him with another girl. She gives him advice.

He listens.He treats her the same way she treats him. Casual. Friends.Its been 3 years of suffering from many sleepless nights now. 3 years of betraying her heart.She hugged him tight. Wished him luck. He had been a wonderful friend.Tomorrow is his wedding. Four months to go and he’ll have a baby.If she only gave in to her feelings…. If she only trusted her heart to him…

Would the scene be this way, tonight?

She learned to love him.

It happened, no matter how hard she resisted the feeling. But she never tried to show it. She is afraid of being hurt. But now, the pain seems much stronger… unbearable..He put the ring in his pocket. “I have to marry her”, he said…”So, I could give the child a name.”, he continued.He hugged her.

They bid each other goodbye.

The clock says its 11:39 pm. 39 minutes after he left her. 39 minutes of recalling the happy days since she met him.20 mins. Her cellphone beeped. Beeped. Beeped. Beeped. She didn’t bother to look at the messages for she knew it was from him. It would only hurt her. It will make letting go much harder for her. She turned off her cellphone and placed it in her drawer.His mom came to visit her the next day.

After minutes of cuddling in each others arms, crying, his mom left. Leaving her helpless. Weak. Hurt.Now is the 3rd day after his burial. Car accident at 12 midnight.

The night after he talked to her.She can’t believe he broke his promise. He said he’ll be there for her.Now, he is nothing but a happy memory that makes her ache of grief.She remembered. Took her cellphone out from the drawer. Turned it on.

It says 30 messages.

What could crying do now?

30 messages.–I loved you ever since. It’s your face I saw the when I made love to her. If you could only tell me that you feel the same, its not too late to cancel the wedding. –Mike:11:59 pm.. The message read.

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Intrepid

Posted by: on: September 17, 2008

I look at the little person beside me and I can’t believe that he’s mine. He is a fruit of a “sinful act” as what Christians will say, a result of irresponsibility as what parents and adults will take into notion. I wouldn’t want to hear more of how people would call it because as I glance at the small bundle of joy I can only see one thing out of him- our angel, the one who changed my life forever.

                I do not regret that I had him as early in my 19th year of breathing in this difficult world. He came in an unexpected time, a time when I have my future plans laid out in front of me. A time when I am still enjoying the sweet taste of youth and the excitement of young love. But then, I embraced the first signs of his presence inside me and faced the fact that from then on, my plans in life will change forever, not for the worst but for the better.

                I fear, of course, how I will raise him up with me not yet ready to stand in my two feet. However, I am a small creature who looks up into a bigger force I know will not forsake me. I gathered all the courage I have and told myself that despite the reality that the news of the arrival of this angel will hurt the people who brought me into this world, he will soon be called a “blessing” that will give everyone a smile.

                Perhaps I made a mistake but there is nothing I can do to undo it. The only thing I can do is help myself go on and reconstruct my plans in life- include him in every scene I foresee in my future. I never considered not giving this little person a chance to witness the beauty of life and taste a little of its sourness.

                In his arrival, I suffered the consequence of the “sinful” act I made. I had one foot in the bosom of death and had my body embraced by the chill of pain. After 5 hours of what I thought was endless struggle, our angel breathed his first taste of life and I experienced the most wonderful kind of joy I never have felt ever before.

                I admit that fear still haunts me and that I still dread that I will someday fail my son. However, just looking at his innocent face gives me strength and courage that life will be easy as long as I have my courage and perseverance with me.

                Life has a lot more of hardships to offer and I can do nothing but to accept it and learn from it. Right now I accepted the hard but wonderful challenge life threw on me and I have a lifetime to work on it.

 

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