Posts Tagged ‘love’
Husband
Posted October 10, 2008
on:Unmoved
Posted October 8, 2008
on:Pardon
Posted October 4, 2008
on:- In: Tula
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Recant Could I the words I said
Affront thy heart,
Disgrace thy pride
To flee my life i long thou to do
Then why I seek, memoir of you
A ruse of rudeness elude the truth
And coax myself, denied my joy
If thy will leave, exude my gates
And filth the passion I betrayed
Thou art confused of my grimace
thy look dismount the mask I wear
In thy presence, I embroil
To sneer I do, to hide defeat
Condone my pride that betrayed my joy
Even if fatuity this you call
Cede not now, I ask of you
A glance of thee, my hope enfolds
But if to lull is what you want
Need I await with dreary soul?
Need I enshroud to hope thou will stay?
Or fate will judge what time prepares?
Discreet is what mislead my signs
Like silence speakes of reasons unknown
Maybe for long thou choose to concede
Regrets I place in hearse to grave
To Mr. Moon
Posted October 4, 2008
on:- In: Tula
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Crescent Moon hiding behind the King of the highlands
Your soldiers behold thy command to glory
do you see the land of the nomads?
Do you hear the whispers of the wind?
Heed the warning, bestow your blessings
Kiss the princess goodnight
Tomorrow the Earth will be greeted
By your husband’s blinding light
The day will start and the night will come
Still, have not you seen my heart?
Ask your soldiers to seek the night
for weary hearts and dreams of love
But for now
I’ll visit wonderland
A Decision
Posted September 20, 2008
on:Shame this feeling that’s eating me right now.
Just one decision can change my life and my baby’s life forever. I look up to that great force I know and pray hard that He guides me to whatever decision I make.
Studying here with my parents would mean a big sacrifice- not being with my son’s dad. Although I know that it’s going to be easy for me to earn money someday I really am not sure if the family I want my son to have will still be given to him. Imagine, it’s gonna be just two years of studying and I’m going to be a nurse in a good hospital, earn a good amount of money I know I can’t earn at the Philippines.
Yeah. Money and Emotional security that is what this decision stuff is all about. I would have a good job and good income if ever I choose to continue studying here but then I don’t know if my son would grow up having his dad with him. If ever I took FUj (my son’s dad) here with us after graduation I dont know if he would be able to work, thus depriving him of his career opportunity, add the possibility that I will be a bread winner.
I don’t want to repeat the hisotory of my mom and dad. My mom works abroad and my dad is unemployed. They sacrificed being with us (their children) as we grew up.
I want my son to have a whole and happy family up untill the time that he decides to leave us. I want to be a successful career woman but then it does not mean that I have to be the bread winner of the family. I’m not saying that I will not help my husband with the financial burden, of course I will, but then we should be together in providing the needs of the family.
Life is a lot harder in the Philippines. I know that. I knew people who graduated but are unemployed. People who are employed but are earning a small amount, scarce, I could say because it is not enough to provide the needs of the family. However, going back home will mean I could continue the course I already have started. I could graduate in the same amount of time and me, Fuj and my baby could be together.
On the other hand, it will be alot of sacrifice in my part because I will stay under the roof of my in’laws house. Hehe. Yeah. In-laws. And it is usually hard to be in that kind of situation not unless you have great patience and both parties are comfortable with each other.
Going home means getting married. I have trust issues with Fuji right now. I don’t know how this relationship will go on if I won’t be able to resolve this trust issues I have and fully trust him. I am also thinking that we are both too young to marry. The responsibility of having a family is a big burden for young people like us. I’m thinking that maybe we should give ourselves time to grow for awhile before deciding about getting married. Married life is different from the boyfriend-girlfriend thing, we all know that. Having a family could be another challenge we have to face… another adjustment. But then, mom wont make me go home if Fuj won’t marry me. I wanna be with Fuj.. and yes, if there is one guy I wanted to share a life time with, it is Fuj. But then, I want to grow emotionally first before talking about wedding bells.
Jeez… maybe sometimes it is not just about the matters of the heart that we should think about. We may be head over heels inlove with each other but then the fact still remains that there are marriages that fail. I talked to him about it and he has a strong faith in our relationship. He told me that we could make the marriage work because we should not be like the people whose marriages end up in annulment or divorce.
Right now, my decision is to go home. Get married. Continue my studies. Graduate and finally have a job. Five years from now, I want to see myself already employed in a reputable university working as a professor while studying law or masters degree in communication. If not that, I want to work in an airlines or a network. Call me idealist but that is what I want to be five years from now. That is my goal.
I dont want to be a nurse and work in the hospital forever because 13 years from now my goal is to start my own business so I will be the boss of my own company and I could take care of my son, which by that time will be in his youth. Maybe I am a dreamer but then that is what I want my life to be. I want to see my son get excited in his first date. I want to see his reaction in his first kiss. I want to see and guide him in his teenage days- the days I have not spend with my parents because they need to work afar just to provide our needs.
If life will be financially difficult for my family, I still want us to be whole. One. One in solving the financial problem- like the Fuj’s family. If ever Fuj or me decided to work abroad, I want the whole family to be in that place as well. That is the same of what Fuj wants to happen.
Life is never easy. Because if it is, we will never learn and enjoy it. It is only how we deal with the situation that matters. If there is one sacrifice I have to make, I want to make it now so that someday if something goes wrong, I can still make a change because I am still young. I will go home. Take the chances and pay the consequences of being a young mom and wifey. I believe that getting married and having a baby at a young age is not a reason for me to stop exploring life and taking opportunities. Its not that I should be locked up in the shell of marriage and being a mom, it is just including my husband and kiddo in my plans and being with them as I enjoy the sweetness and bitterness of life.
A Night of Love
Posted September 18, 2008
on:- In: Tula
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A Night of Love
In his words lies temptation
A sweet taste of heaven
In his arms is your resurrection
But the gaiety cackle of death
In his bed, the fulfilment of hunger
A night of warmth they say
When with him sanity deserts you
While you give he took with greed
In the morning you feel the cold
The knight, where is he?
His scent is what he left you
But a stranger still he is
Intrepid
Posted September 17, 2008
on:I look at the little person beside me and I can’t believe that he’s mine. He is a fruit of a “sinful act” as what Christians will say, a result of irresponsibility as what parents and adults will take into notion. I wouldn’t want to hear more of how people would call it because as I glance at the small bundle of joy I can only see one thing out of him- our angel, the one who changed my life forever.
I do not regret that I had him as early in my 19th year of breathing in this difficult world. He came in an unexpected time, a time when I have my future plans laid out in front of me. A time when I am still enjoying the sweet taste of youth and the excitement of young love. But then, I embraced the first signs of his presence inside me and faced the fact that from then on, my plans in life will change forever, not for the worst but for the better.
I fear, of course, how I will raise him up with me not yet ready to stand in my two feet. However, I am a small creature who looks up into a bigger force I know will not forsake me. I gathered all the courage I have and told myself that despite the reality that the news of the arrival of this angel will hurt the people who brought me into this world, he will soon be called a “blessing” that will give everyone a smile.
Perhaps I made a mistake but there is nothing I can do to undo it. The only thing I can do is help myself go on and reconstruct my plans in life- include him in every scene I foresee in my future. I never considered not giving this little person a chance to witness the beauty of life and taste a little of its sourness.
In his arrival, I suffered the consequence of the “sinful” act I made. I had one foot in the bosom of death and had my body embraced by the chill of pain. After 5 hours of what I thought was endless struggle, our angel breathed his first taste of life and I experienced the most wonderful kind of joy I never have felt ever before.
I admit that fear still haunts me and that I still dread that I will someday fail my son. However, just looking at his innocent face gives me strength and courage that life will be easy as long as I have my courage and perseverance with me.
Life has a lot more of hardships to offer and I can do nothing but to accept it and learn from it. Right now I accepted the hard but wonderful challenge life threw on me and I have a lifetime to work on it.
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